ÜBER-PATRIOT: Download Lynne's glorious post-9/11 SCHOLAR BLACKLIST NOTED PLURALIST: See Mrs. Cheney's list of 21st Century COLORED HEROES INSPIRED AUTHOR: Lest time forget, all voters are urged to gaze upon the inspired covers of Mrs. Cheney's fabulously rare, single-printing literary masterpiece, "SISTERS." No dowdy Harlequin, this slender volume overfloweth with oceans of patriotic brothel activity and lipstick lesbian beaver hoovering.

Lynne V. Cheney, wife of Vice President Richard B. Cheney, has always loved the idea of a world blessedly devoid of change. As such, she has spent much of her professional life crusading for the preservation of an America in which white Christian men are boss, and women enjoy the privilege of never daring to question the status quo.

As chairman of the National Endowment for the Humanities from 1986 to 1993, she published American Memory, a report that warned about the dangers of dwelling on such historical myths as "Native American Genocide," "Slavery," and "Japanese Concentration Camps." Mrs. Cheney believes that a system of education that fails to focus exclusively on flag-waving and how Christopher Columbus discovered America is complicit in nurturing a generation of USA-haters whose collective dream future involves being anally gang penetrated by a Godless army of Osama bin Laden clones.

Today, as a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute, she particularly emphasizes the value of rewriting our nation's history. "One of the important lessons we can learn is that Republicans invented freedom," she says. "This realization should make the irrational hatred we foment against progressives all the more visceral to the ignorant, and all the more worth intensifying through revisionist history and jingoistic propaganda."

A prolific writer, Mrs. Cheney has invested tremendous time and energy over the years into authoring all manner of materials to help real Americans identify the many foul and odious techniques that liberals employ to corrupt our Godly country. Writing with the trademark note of affable nihilism which so endears her to buyers of herbal penis augmentation supplements, Mrs. Cheney's more notable works include Kings of the Hill - a scintillating look of rampant gender-bending among neglected congressional wives, and Telling the Truth, a thousand-page dramatic retelling of the Starr Report.

Like Anne Coulter, her sassy protégé with the leather uvula, Mrs. Cheney has also written columns and articles for numerous publications, appeared on hundreds of television programs in the role of a partisan pundit, and can personally attest to the profound joy found at the bottom of every bottle of Clairol® Platinum Supernova™.

Mrs. Cheney first crawled into Vice President Dick Cheney's conjugal bed in 1964. They have two grown daughters, neither of whom is gay, no matter what she may insist to the contrary.