Subject: The Party Guy
Date: 7/12/99

Overheard at The International, downtown Manhattan, 7/10/99

Boy & Girl, late twenties, on what is clearly an awkward and already well-lubricated first date. Boy is talking very loudly. Both are drinking steadily. Next to them sits the Interloper and a friend.

Girl: All these people that voted for Giuliani, I mean, he sucks, but they didn't know that. I think they just wanted a change. I mean, what was that guy before him? Dixon? Dickens? He wasn't that great either, right? I think they just wanted a change.

Boy (admiringly): I didn't know you were so political, I didn't know you had this political side to you.

Girl: I'm totally into politics. Like whenever I go home, I get into big arguments with my dad, he's really right-wing. He voted for Bush twice and everything. I argue with him a lot. Last time I went home we had a huge fight about Hillary Clinton.

Boy: So would you vote for Hillary?

Girl: For president?

Boy (leaning forward, placing his hand on the edge of the table near hers): I really think we need a woman president, don't you?

Girl (unimpressed): Well, I think we need a woman president. But I don't know if it should be her. I mean, people hate her so much. I think it would really set us back.

Boy (nodding sympathetically): Yeah, I know what you mean. I've always said we should have a woman president, but whoever the first one is, I feel really sorry for her. (Looks thoughtful, shakes his head.) What do you think of Elizabeth Dole?

Girl: What, for next year?

Boy: No, uh, for 2024.

Girl (looks skeptical): Is she running?

Boy (flustered, withdraws his hand. Takes a drink): Uh, no, I guess I meant 2024.

Girl: Well, I haven't really thought that far ahead.

Boy (floundering): I think it would be cool to vote for nobody. Like, if there was a thing you could vote for that just said 'Fuck You' to whoever was running, that's what I would do. Or if you could vote for Mickey Mouse. That would be great.

Girl: I'll be right back.

(Girl walks unsteadily to the bathroom at the back of the bar while Boy takes a healthy gulp and rethinks his strategy. The Interloper, sitting at the next table, leans over.)

Interloper: You *can* vote for Mickey Mouse. More people vote for him than any other write-in candidate. Not that it matters, cause the electoral college still makes the ultimate decision, but the number of votes for Mickey Mouse goes up every time there's a presidential election.

Boy: Wow, really? That's cool. I don't know if I'd really want to vote for Mickey Mouse, though. (His moral compass swiveling madly.) Maybe Felix the Cat or Krazy Kat, that would be cool.

Interloper: Well if you do a write-in, you can vote for anybody you want. You write it in, you have complete freedom to choose the cartoon character of your choice, cat, mouse, whatever. You could do Fritz the Cat.

(Boy laughs nervously. It is all too much for him: the beautiful and unexpectedly knowledgeable date, the failure of his woman-for-president gambit, his confusion over the exact year of the election and who will be running. He realizes he has been talking too loudly. He suspects that the Interloper and friend have been laughing at him. Is it wrong to vote for Mickey Mouse? Is his date a Republican or a Democrat? Will she or won't she? And who the hell is Fritz the Cat? Girl returns.)

Boy: So, uh, who are you voting for in the next one?

Girl: Oh, definitely Bush/Dole.

Boy: That's cool, I'd vote for Dole. I really think she'd be great. But I don't think I could vote for Bush. Look at his dad, you know?

Girl: Oh, he's totally different from his dad. I mean, if you look at their politics, they're completely different people.

Boy (flummoxed again): I guess that's true.

Girl: Besides, Bush is the party guy, right? Doesn't he do drugs and stuff? (Laughs drunkenly, holding up her drink like the Statue of Liberty.) I'll vote for the party guy!

(Boy leans back and smiles. Yes, he can salvage this night after all.)

Interloper (seeing two empty seats at the bar, fleeing with friend in tow): Hey, if you want to learn about Bush's party days, check out GWBUSH.COM.

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This really happened! Hey, you guys should make stickers. I'd help you stick 'em on stuff, like people's foreheads. Keep up the good work.

-- annia