George W Bush -- not a crackhead!



Hello America, Today you read in the paper that I gave the CIA authorization to topple Saddam Hussein. I'd like to put this new policy into context for you:
This is not, as you might think, a one-off move to insure reelection. Rather, it is the first step in a comprehensive strategy for a new Cold War for the 21st Century.
*Allow me to bring in a tiny bit* of history:** In 1952 the people of Iran elected a socialist/nationalist prime minister named Mohammed Mossadegh. At the time, Western oil companies owned Iran's oil fields, a legacy of colonialism. Mossadegh nationalized the oil fields, returning ownership of the natural resource to the Iranian people. In response, the US sent a CIA team, and millions of dollars, to overthrow Mossadegh. The plan succeeded and Iran was turned into a dictatorship headed by a leader who would let the West keep all those oil revenues.
Sound too crazy to be true? Read the CIA's own account.
(By the way, one of the key players of the coup was General Norman Schwarzkopf--yes, father of our very own Stormin' Norman. Funny how these things work isn't it?)
So: We overthrew the Iranian peoples' democratically elected government. And what was the result? ...The Iranian Revolution and the founding of the Islamic Republic of Iran. The lesson is simple:
You can't pick other peoples' governments for them.
When you try, the results don't stick (keep your eye on Afghanistan). And by toppling every moderate, nationalist government that a people elects, you leave them no alternative but revolution--which leads to much more anti-western governments than the ones you topple in the first place.
Which is precisely why I told the CIA to topple Saddam....
I *WANT* a radical Islamic, revolutionary government in Iraq. Saddam's evil, but he isn't evil ENOUGH. He just wants to sit in his palace having sex with the housekeepers all day while his people starve. He only cares about staying in power: That's *passive evil.* We need an evil enemy that is active, scheming, and big picture-thinking. We need an evil that thinks OUTSIDE THE BOX! And not a SMALL evil nation, but a new EVIL EMPIRE. Iran is too small on its own--plus they're going soft on us. North Korea has the right idea but they're also too small, they're falling apart--and their EVIL LEADER is way too silly to scare anyone.
Now can you see where I'm going with this Iraq action? That's right...you're getting it...(1) We're going to put some pansy Harvard educated expat Iraqi in the palace and run sham elections. With the Iraqi people humiliated and furious, the fundamentalists will have a field day--resulting sooner or later in an Iraqi Islamic Republic. (2) Simultaneously, we'll use the Israel-Palestine crisis and the "War against terror" to weaken the credibility of every secular leader from Pakistan to Morrocco, and soon at least Pakistan, Syria and Jordon will be toppled by Islamic fundamentalists too. (3) Afghanistan's US-backed government probably won't last the year (get the cheap heroine while you still can!)--and something like the Taliban will be back in before too long. (4) The US invasion of Iraq, launched from bases in the Islamic holy land of Saudi will do wonders to discredit the pro-Western royal families of Saudi, Kuwait and other Gulf States and they'll meet their doom as well. (5) Finally, the door will be opened to the possibilty of a untied, Pan-Islamic Republic -- a new "evil", shoe-banging empire, vowing once more to bury the West.
Here's the Happy Ending to this tale: We're left with a huge, powerful, ideologically-driven empire to justify massive defense spending, reduced civil liberties and periodic political witch hunts. Remember: the Islamic world "hates you for your freedom". And we hate you for your freedom too: it's like no one respects the ruling class anymore! You've all forgotten that you need us to PROTECT you...just you wait -- you'll remember.
I know you're eager for a new TOTAL ENEMY. So you're saying, "This all sounds great George, but HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE?"
If all goes well, we'll have it wrapped up by 2024. State of Emergency here we come!