George W Bush -- not a crackhead!

Attention South Dakota: give up Daschle or I start bombing.

A few days ago, Tom Daschle crossed a line by criticizing my economics--as if we were not a nation at WAR. He has thereby proven himself to be a friend of Osama Bin Laden, and must be brought to justice.

And make no mistake: this recession is Bin Laden's fault, not mine.

I have ordered Tom Ridge, director of Homeland Security to apprehend Daschle as soon as possible. Unfortunately, like Bin Laden, Mullah Omar and the entire Taliban and al-Qaida leadership, Tom Daschle has disappeared.

Intelligence indicates that he is taking refuge in his home state of South Dakota--possibly with Al Gore at his side. As the world has seen, any state that harbors terrorists will pay a high price.

Americans should feel confident with a man like Chief Economic Advisor Larry Lindsey in charge of economic policy.

There is no need to worry about the economy. The Free Market is resilient, and Capitalism is resilient. We will all have to make sacrifices, that's true: Max out your charge cards, take a loan from the local pawn shop, just KEEP SHOPPING no matter how deep in debt you get. Many will lose their jobs. However, that is just the natural cycle of our economy. Unemployment will help get labor costs down, and spur investment.

John Walker Lindh is the only American so far to disagree with my "Economic Security Bill."

Do You Want to Be Like This Man?

Tips on the whereabouts of the renegade Daschle should be phoned in to the Office of Homeland Security.